Professional stress in business communications. Stress and its impact on the process of business communication Stress and stress resistance in business communication

To ensure that the stresses that arise in business communication do not become the cause of the formation of two warring parties, managers must protect their subordinates and not act as stressors for them. Significantly reduce the level of stress in business communication can be through the use of methods to minimize stress.

The main techniques that will help to avoid stressful situations in the process of business communication:

• 1) If you think that your work is not paid properly or there is no opportunity for promotion, you should conduct a thorough analysis of your capabilities and the capabilities of the organization itself. It may turn out that there simply aren't any.
• 2) A stressful situation in business communication can be avoided if you discuss your problems with management and colleagues. To do this, you should first make sure that the conversation does not look like an accusation or a stream of complaints. Focus on solving a problem that is very important not only for you, but for the whole team.
• 3) Since stress in business communication very often arises against the background of communication with the leader, you should try to establish effective relationships with him. Take a closer look at the problems that are bothering him at the moment, and help deal with them. Often the leader needs the so-called "feedback", but it is not always possible to quickly establish it.

Way out of stressful situations in business communication:

In addition to the above methods, you should also consider your capabilities. Often in business communication conflicts can arise against the background of a lack of strength to perform the assigned work.

No one can demand heroism from a worker. You need to work in moderation and without harm to your health. Do not slam the door and try to explain to your manager that you are not against taking on new duties, but for this you will have to give up some of the old ones in order to be in time.

The main thing to understand is that - stress in business communication is not the norm and should be avoided by any means.

Rules of self-regulation in conditions of professional stress:

• 1) observe yourself. The success of building a personal program of protection from professional stress depends on how accurately and timely a person is able to notice that he is entering a stress zone and losing self-control.
• 2) look for ways to stop yourself. At the first stage of stress, it is important to “take a break” and, by an effort of will, interrupt your actions: pause in communication with employees, be silent for several minutes, instead of responding with irritation to an unfair remark; escape from; move to another, remote part of the room.
• 3) do something else that will make it possible to relieve stress: sort out business papers, water flowers; go out into the corridor and talk with employees on neutral topics. Such a break can be practiced as often as possible in those moments when there is a loss of self-control. It is important that the act of "stopping yourself" becomes a habit.
• 4) seriously think about what moments in work help relieve stress. What pleases you the most? What do you do with passion? Try every day to have a little time for activities that bring satisfaction and joy.

Rules of conduct in an acute stressful situation:

• 1 - do not try to make any decisions (with the exception of extreme situations)
• 2 - count to ten
• 3-Slowly breathe in through your nose and hold your breath for a while. Exhale gradually, also through the nose, focusing on the sensations associated with your breath.
• 4 - if you are indoors, go out of it to some other place where you can be alone for a while.
• 5 - try to moisten your forehead, temples and arteries on your hands with cold water.
• 6 - look around even if the room you are in is familiar to you or looks quite ordinary. Looking from one object to another, mentally describe their appearance.
• 7 - look out the window. Focus on what you see.
• 8 - Having collected water in a glass, drink it slowly, as if intently. Concentrate your attention on the sensations as the water flows down your throat.

Ministry of Education and Science of the Russian Federation

Federal Agency for Education GOU VPO

All-Russian Correspondence Institute of Finance and Economics

Department of Philosophy and Sociology

Test

For business communication

On the topic: "Stress resistance in business communication"

Checked:

Abaji Olga Viktorovna

Completed:

St-ka Savenkova Anna Vasilievna

Accounting and statistical fk-t

Introduction

2. The influence of self-esteem on stress tolerance

Conclusion

Literature

Introduction

AT modern conditions in the first place is the problem of the social value of a person, while health is one of the important objective conditions of life. Among the many factors that determine working capacity and other characteristics of health, mental resistance to stressful situations plays an important role. A high level of mental resistance to stress is the key to maintaining, developing and strengthening the health and professional longevity of the individual. The formation of stress resistance is a guarantee of people's mental health and an indispensable condition for social stability, predictability of the processes taking place in society. Increasing stress, including mental, on the nervous system and psyche of a modern person leads to the formation of emotional stress, which is one of the main factors in the development of various diseases. At present, the concern for maintaining mental health and the formation of stress resistance of a modern person is coming to the fore. The path to mental health is the path to an integral personality, not torn apart from the inside by conflicts of motives, doubts, self-doubt. On this path, it is important to learn the features of your psyche, which will allow you not only to prevent the occurrence of diseases, improve health, but also improve yourself and your interaction with the outside world. Social relationships can contribute to psychological, social adaptation, the assimilation of healthy behaviors and recovery, if they are supportive, and also affect physiological indicators of health.

1. Formation of stress resistance in everyday life

Stress is an increased tension of a person's psychophysiological resources, which manifests itself in both acute and chronic negative experiences. The development of stress is largely determined by the characteristics of a person's subjective attitude to the situation in which he lives and works, as well as the ways of overcoming difficulties accumulated in his experience. Easier stress can be defined as an inadequate reaction of the individual to certain manifestations, internal and external, which, in fact, act as irritants or stressors. A key role in the process of stress is played by the mechanism of non-acceptance of the manifestation that a person faces. The word "stress" in translation from English means "tension". This term was introduced into scientific circulation in 1936 by the outstanding Canadian physiologist Hans Selye (b. 1907), who developed the general concept of stress as an adaptive response of the body to the impact of extreme factors (stressogens). The extraordinary popularity of both the concept itself and its leading concept is apparently explained by the fact that with its help many phenomena of our ordinary, everyday life can easily be explained: reactions to emerging difficulties, conflict situations, unexpected events, etc. According to the classical definition of G. Selye, stress is a non-specific response of the organism to any requirement presented to it, and this response is the tension of the organism, aimed at overcoming the difficulties that arise and adapting to the increased requirements.

Everyone knows from his own experience that anything can act as a stressor: a look, a word, an action, an event, a lost thing, etc., etc. Therefore, the point is not so much in the stressor itself, but in our attitude towards it. If a person is not able to change in a timely manner, recognizing the fact of the real existence of the stimulus, disagreeing with this fact and not accepting its reality, he naturally turns into a stressor. Not accepting reality, the person disagrees with it, which gives rise to negative experiences, internal mental stress, and in the future painful psychological condition disease, premature aging and death.

Over the past 20 years, more than 73 thousand people living in the territory of the CIS countries have been covered during the ongoing stress tolerance research program. At the same time, it was possible to build a multifactorial mathematical model that allows describing, explaining and predicting people's behavior in various stressful situations. Without going into details and details, first of all, it can be noted that a higher level of stress tolerance distinguishes people whose value system is dominated by the so-called spiritual values. On the contrary, the dominance of material values ​​leads to a decrease in the level of stress resistance and the formation of a kind of stress dependence. The latter is expressed in the emergence of a special worldview, according to which stress is an integral property of life in general. It is a given of the world that cannot be changed. Of the many traits and properties of personality that have been studied, the most powerful factors in increasing the level of stress resistance are:

The general energy potential of the individual,

The level of development of intuition,

The level of development of logical abilities,

Emotional maturity of the individual (emotional stability and level of emotional control),

Plasticity (flexibility, willingness of the individual to change),

temperament type,

The level of development of reflection, etc.

The level of stress tolerance of a person is not something invariable. Under the influence of various factors, it can both increase and decrease. The latter is actively used by the organizers of the so-called destructive cults (the Church of Jehovah's Witnesses, the White Brotherhood, the New Life Church, various anti-scientist and pseudo-religious sects, etc.). Destroying the system of values ​​and the habitual picture of the world of a person, they reduce by ten times the level of emotional stability and security inherent in him, and, ultimately, stress resistance. At the same time, various fears become the main tool of manipulation.

Thus, we can conclude that the level of stress resistance depends on the mental health, mental balance of a person. Therefore, for the formation of stress resistance it is necessary to develop and strengthen the "internal forces" of the individual. To do this, there are various programs, centers where psychologists, psychotherapists conduct consultations, trainings, etc. For independent work there is special literature on oneself, and the most valuable medicine "for nerves", according to psychologists, is rest and positive emotions.

2. The influence of self-esteem on stress tolerance

Stress resistance is a culture of attitude towards oneself: understanding one's states that are formed in the process of everyday life, understanding the mechanisms, causes and consequences of stress development, knowing how to manage one's own state and the ability to implement these methods.

A person throughout his life every day is faced with stress of different levels of severity. In order to cope with at least some of them without compromising mental health, personal beliefs, his worldview, habits, and the ability to manage his emotions play a significant role.

As a rule, the discrepancy between what should be (what should be) and what is (what is) is characteristic not only of the reality around us, but also of ourselves. Here, too, is rooted an impressive source of stress responses. It has two poles: overly inflated self-image and, conversely, low self-esteem. By the way, it is curious: what is more common, an overestimation or underestimation of our own abilities and capabilities? As numerous psychological studies on this topic show, most of us have some kind of unconscious predisposition in favor of our Self. As a rule, we evaluate ourselves in almost all respects not as an average person, but somewhat higher. But can we all be above average at the same time? It is clear that this is an illusion. It helps us to maintain an optimistic view of the world and our own place in it, but sometimes it also causes trouble in the form of stresses from “high expectations” or “collapsed hope”. Yes, and the famous "mid-life crisis" has one of its reasons all the same inflated self-esteem. And this matter is very thin and practically does not depend on us. Therefore, it is much better to realistically assess your abilities (by adolescence, they are quite clearly manifested) and form an appropriate level of claims. It is quite acceptable that it be a little higher than what can be achieved for sure.

There is a famous "self-esteem formula" by W. James, from which it follows that the degree of self-esteem depends on the ratio of the levels of success (numerator) and claims (denominator). If the result of such a "division" is not high, it may be useful to think about lowering the level of your claims.

However, it is also not worth underestimating your claims too much. This can lead to the same stress, but for a different reason - due to low self-esteem. The feeling of one's unhappiness, bad luck, resentment at the fate of the villain and unfavorable circumstances are stressful no less inflated claims. Therefore, taking care of increasing your self-esteem is one of the means of preventing stress. Action is recommended at three levels:

Body - take care of your health, diet, appearance, etc.;

Emotional - look for emotionally comfortable situations for yourself, ensure yourself at least a little tangible success in some activity, create small holidays for yourself and others, etc .;

Reasonable - accept and love yourself for who you are! This, of course, is not about narcissistic narcissism, but about a sense of the value and uniqueness of one's own life.

All this is so simple and obvious that one can only wonder: why do we have so many stresses associated with low self-esteem? The answer, however, is no less obvious: the same inertia, laziness, disbelief that serious results can be achieved by fairly simple means are to blame. If we make no effort to improve our affairs, they will not improve by themselves. But as soon as we start working on ourselves or circumstances, the same force of inertia will begin to support our efforts, keep their energy and constancy. The activity of overcoming difficult life problems, resilience do not come by themselves. To spare no effort for their formation in oneself - that, in fact, is the whole "secret" of gaining stress resistance.

Consider which of the following statements are false:

a) "stress is the lot of weak people";

b) "I cannot be held responsible for the stress in my life, we are all victims of it";

c) "I always know when I am overstressed";

d) "all people react to stress in the same way";

e) "when stressed, all you need to do is first of all relax";

e) "the most important measure in the fight against stress is psychotherapy."

Answer: a), b), e).

In my opinion, these statements are incorrect. :

a) all people are subject to stress, regardless of their attitude to reality, mood, temperament, etc. the only difference is that stresses are different and each person has his own "sensitivity threshold". Consequently, the reaction to the same stimulus may be different;

b) you need to try to set yourself up to resist stress, work on yourself. This does not mean that there will be no more stress, rather, a person’s attitude to various kinds of troubles will change;

e) relaxation is not the only way out of a difficult emotional situation and is not always effective. Other methods must also be used.

Conclusion

The word "stress" in translation from English means "tension". It is widely used in a number of fields of knowledge, which is why it has a slightly different meaning in terms of the causes of the occurrence of such a state, the mechanisms of its development, the characteristics of manifestations and consequences. It combines a wide range of issues related to the origin, manifestations and consequences of extreme environmental influences, conflicts, a complex and responsible production task, and a dangerous situation.

In a business environment, stress is an indispensable companion of conflicts that periodically brew in any team. Signs of stress appear instantly: nervousness, irascibility, irritability, and as a result - emptiness and general malaise. Can anything be done about it? Yes, but subject to the following conditions:

Accurate determination of the nature of stress and the stage of its development;

A clear idea of ​​the boundaries of a possible impact on the course of a stressful situation;

Readiness for active efforts to achieve stress resistance.

Intensive study of various forms of stress, ways to protect against it, its negative impact on human life and health has been one of the dominant areas of applied psychological research over the past three decades.

Literature

1. Conflictology / Ed. V.V. Ratnikov. - M.: UNITI, 2005.

2. Kuznetsov I. Business ethics and business etiquette. – M.: Phoenix, 2007.

3. Psychology and ethics of business communication: Textbook for university students / Ed. prof. V.N. Lavrinenko. - 5th ed. - M.: UNITI-DANA, 2006.

Federal State Educational Institution of Higher
vocational education
"FINANCIAL ACADEMY UNDER THE GOVERNMENT OF THE RUSSIAN FEDERATION"
Department of Applied Psychology

Abstract on the topic:
“Stress. Acquisition of stress resistance in business communication.

Completed: stud. Gr.fk1-18, Marenova E.V.

Checked by: Assoc. Beketova E.E.

Moscow, 2009.

Introduction………………………………………………………………..3

I. The concept and nature of stress…………………………………………….4

1.1. Causes and sources of stress…………...……………………….4

1.2. Types and phases of stress……………………….……………………...7

II. Stress management………………………………………….....10

2.1. Prevention of stress in business communication .................................... 10

2.2. Individual strategy and tactics of stress-resistant behavior…………………………………………………………..…….15

Conclusion…………………………………………………………....17

Bibliographic list………………………………………..... 19

INTRODUCTION

It is almost impossible to avoid conflicts in the sphere of business communication.

Many conflicts often lead to additional nervous stress on a person, to stressful situations, to the need to manage stress.

The concept of "stress" was borrowed from the field of technology, where it means the ability of various bodies and structures to withstand the load. Any structure has a tensile strength, the excess of which leads to its destruction.

Transferred to the region social psychology the concept of "stress" includes a whole range of personality states caused by a variety of events: from defeats or victories to creative experiences and doubts. Some experts believe that stress is the pressure in the world that leads to a state of emotional discomfort. Others believe that emotional discomfort is stress caused by pressure or conditions called stressors.

In general, stress is a common phenomenon. Minor stresses are inevitable and harmless, but excessive stress creates problems for both individuals and organizations, making it difficult to complete tasks.

This topic is relevant for modern society, because. people constantly face stress at work, on the street and at home. This topic is especially significant for managers, because the stress experienced by employees can have a devastating effect both on themselves and on the organization as a whole.

ChapterI: THE CONCEPT AND NATURE OF STRESS.

Causes and sources of stress.

“To fall into anger means to take revenge
the mistakes of others."
Alexander Pop

The word "stress" came into Russian from English and in translation means action, tension, effort, external influence. Stress 1 - this is a state of increased nervous tension, overstrain caused by some strong influence. The doctrine of stress first appeared in connection with the work of the world famous Canadian physiologist G. Selye (1907 - 1982). He formulated the universal concept of stress.

At its core, stress is a way to achieve the stability of the body in response to the action of a negative factor. According to the classical definition of G. Selye, stress is a non-specific response of the organism to any demand presented to it, and this response is the tension of the organism, aimed at overcoming the difficulties that arise and adapting to the increased requirements. Modern life situations lead to a sharp increase in psychological stress on a person. An important prerequisite for the creation of the doctrine of stress was the need to solve the problem of protecting a person from the effects of adverse factors.

Further study of stress by the followers of G. Selye was devoted to the psychological mechanisms of manifestation of stress, as well as their role in the development of diseases resulting from emotional overstrain. In connection with the appearance of a large number of works on this topic, a new concept has come into science - “emotional or psychological stress”.

However, stress is not just nervous tension. In humans, the most common stressor, i.e. The factor that causes stress is an emotional stimulus.

Causes of stress. The list of causes of stress is endless. International conflicts, instability of the political situation in the country, and socio-economic crises can act as stresses.

ORGANIZATIONAL FACTORS. A significant part of the stress-provoking factors is related to the performance of our professional duties. We can distinguish the following organizational factors that can cause stress (see Appendix No. 1):

overload or too little workload;

conflict of roles (occurs if the employee is presented with conflicting requirements);

uncertainty of roles (the employee is not sure what is expected of him);

uninteresting work (a survey of 2000 male workers in 23 professions showed that those who have more interesting jobs show less anxiety and are less prone to physical ailments than those engaged in uninteresting work for them);

poor physical conditions (noise, cold, etc.)

wrong balance between authority and responsibility;

poor communication channels in the organization, etc.

Another group of stress factors could be called organizational and personal, since they express a person's subjective-anxious attitude to their professional activities. ORGANIZATIONAL AND PERSONAL FACTORS. German psychologists W. Siegert and L. Lang identify several typical “fears” of workers 2:

fear of not doing the job;

fear of making a mistake;

fear of being bypassed by others;

fear of losing a job;

fear of losing one's self.

ORGANIZATIONAL AND PRODUCTION FACTORS: Unfavorable moral and psychological climate in the team, unresolved conflicts, lack of social support, etc. are also stressors.

To all this “bouquet” of stresses of an organizational and production nature, problems of a person’s personal life can also be added, which provide many reasons for unfavorable emotions. Trouble in the family, health problems, "mid-life crisis" and other similar irritants are usually acutely experienced by a person and cause significant damage to his stress tolerance.

Thus, the causes of stress are not a special secret. The problem is how to prevent stress that affects the causes that cause it. The basic rule here suggests itself: we need to clearly distinguish stressful events that we can somehow influence, from those that are clearly not in our power. It is clear that even if an individual person can influence the crisis situation in the country or in the world, the inevitable approaching retirement age, it is very insignificant. Therefore, such events should be left alone and focus on those stressors that we can really change.

1.2. Types and phases of stress.

"Boldly get out of yourself,
if there is no other way."
Janusz Wasilkowski

TYPES OF STRESS.

There are two types of stress in everyday life: eustress and distress. Eu-stress implies the occurrence of the desired, i.e. positive effect, and distress - negative.

Usually, stress is associated with pleasant and unpleasant experiences. Pleasant and unpleasant emotional arousal is accompanied by an increase in physiological stress.

According to the hypothesis of the world-famous Canadian physiologist G. Selye, the absence of stimuli (deprivation), as well as an excess of irritation, is equally accompanied by an increase in stress. The absence of stress, from the point of view of G. Selye, means death. It is not possible to avoid it.

According to Selye, “In order to give meaning to our lives, we must set ourselves a complex and long-term task. We should aim at a goal that requires hard work to achieve. The absence of such a goal is one of the most severe stresses that cause stomach ulcers, heart attacks, hypertension, or simply doom a person to a joyless vegetative existence.

G. Selye noted another important circumstance regarding stress: the same stress can cause different reactions in people. He called them "conditional factors". They can be external or internal. Under the influence of these factors, a normally tolerated degree of stress can become pathogenic and "adaptation" diseases.

The same stimulus does not affect different people in the same way, depending on the individuality of external and internal conditions that determine the reactivity of each.

Various psychological manifestations of stress are reflected in physiological reactions. The presence of a direct correlation between the physiological reactions of the organism and the psychological characteristics of stress allows us to use changes in physiological reactions as an objective indicator of psychological (emotional) stress.

Stress can arise as a result of certain social influences. The means of protection against stress in this case can be social transformations and the restructuring of human relationships.

Stressful conditions are the result of certain requirements and restrictions imposed on a person by work, family relationships, etc. At the same time, the effect of stress can have internal causes and arise as a result of the inability to satisfy basic needs.

Literally translated from English, stress management means “stress management”.

Causes and sources of stress. In everyday life, the concept of stress is often used to refer to the various difficulties experienced, as well as the conditions and experiences they cause.

As stressors, i.e. factors leading both to the occurrence of short-term stressful conditions in a person and to the development of severe, prolonged experiences, adverse physical effects can act environment, extreme situations, physical and mental trauma, etc. You can also say that a stressor is a stimulus that can trigger the fight or flight response.

The set of characteristic stereotypical general responses of the body to the actions of stimuli of the most diverse nature, reactions that are primarily protective, was designated by G. Selye "as a general adaptation syndrome." The General Adaptation Syndrome has three stages:

Ò Phase 1. Alarm reaction. As a result of the initial encounter with a stressor, changes occur in the body. The body's resistance decreases (shock phase), and then defense mechanisms are activated;

Ó Phase 2. Stage of resistance (phase of adaptation). If the stressor does not stop its impact and you can adapt to it, resistance arises in the body. Signs of an alarm reaction in the body practically disappear. The resistance is getting higher.

Phase 3. The stage of exhaustion, in which the failure of the body's defense mechanisms is revealed and the violation of the coordination of vital functions increases, their mismatch, disintegration occurs.

Initially, the emotional reaction is formed as anger or fear, contributing, respectively, to extreme behavior - attack (fight) or flight.

However, such behavior may be rejected if it is assessed by consciousness as inappropriate. In conditions of extremeness, many situations can turn out to be absolutely stressful, depending on the attitude of the person himself and his experience towards them. Hence the role of psychological motivational factors that determine the attitude to certain events.

Individual response styles in stressful situations. A critical life situation is an emotionally experienced life circumstances that, in the perception of a person, represent a complex psychological problem, a difficulty that requires its solution or overcoming. This does not mean familiar situations, no matter what problems or difficulties they contain, but those that require the search for a new solution, a way out of the unusual resources of their residence. Each of these situations is fraught with either a challenge or a threat to human life, and even causes irreparable losses.

However, under the action of stress factors, all people will develop stages of stress in the same way, but external behavior may be different. Some capitulate to difficulties, others mobilize all their physical and spiritual capabilities to resist them. Based on the above, it can be concluded that there is two individual styles of behavior in stressful situations: Fight - attack; Escape - refusal to fight, avoidance.

It is known that morale (for example, optimism) and vigor (reserve of vitality) affect perseverance, and belief in one's own effectiveness affects perseverance in solving difficult life problems. The availability of material resources (money) opens access to information, legal, medical and other forms of professional assistance.

Occupational stress- the stressed state of the employee, which occurs when he is exposed to emotionally negative and extreme factors associated with the work performed; professional activity.

Factors (stressors) operating within the organization and causing stress.

1. Overload or too little load. In both cases, the employee experiences anxiety, frustration (feeling of collapse), a sense of hopelessness and material loss.

2. Role conflict. Either contradictory requirements are imposed on the employee, or the principle of unity of command is violated. Role conflicts can arise as a result of differences between the norms of an informal group and the requirements of a formal organization.

3. Uncertainty of roles. In this case, the requirements may be evasive and vague.

4. Uninteresting work - people have different views on the concept of "uninteresting work".

5. Other factors: deviations in room temperature, poor lighting, excessive noise, wrong balance between authority and responsibility, poor communication channels and unreasonable demands of employees to each other.

Methods for overcoming work stress: 1) development of a system of priorities in work - “must do today”, “do it when there is time”, etc.; 2) be able to say “no” when there is a limit beyond which we cannot take on more work; 3) developing effective and reliable relationships with management - teaching the boss to respect your priorities, your workload; 4) disagreement with those who make conflicting demands (conflict of roles).

Types of occupational stress- informational, emotional and communicative.

Information stress- the employee does not have time to make a decision in conditions of severe time constraints. Decision making can be accompanied by a high degree of responsibility in conditions of uncertainty, lack of information, frequent, unexpected changes in information parameters.

At emotional stress the deep attitudes and values ​​of the employee associated with his profession are destroyed. This type of stress occurs when there is real or perceived danger, feelings, humiliation, guilt, anger and resentment in cases of contradictions or rupture of business relations, in conflict with management.

Communication stress- arises when there are real problems of business communication; accompanied by increased irritability, caused by the inability to defend against communicative aggression; ignorance of special methods of protection against manipulation; inconsistent in the pace of communication.

Stress management in professional activities is divided into two levels: stress management at the level of the organization and stress management at the level of individual employees.

Stress management at the organization level includes the following measures:

creating a favorable organizational climate:

well-established feedback system

participation of employees in the decision-making process

command and project forms of labor organization

clear definition official duties and limits of personal responsibility

even distribution of the workload

social support personnel

special stress management programs

Individual stress management depends on the personal qualities of employees - that's why it is individual. There is such a thing as an individual time limit of stress. Some even do not care about long-term significant overloads, such workers easily adapt to stress without losing their ability to work. For some, even a small overload is enough to feel completely unsettled. And there is a category of workers who are mobilized by stress - only in a stressful situation are they able to work with full dedication.

Stress management is a necessary condition for normal professional activity.

Most often, stress occurs in a difficult or new situation, in the case of a pronounced risk, time pressure, a possible or unfolding conflict - i.e. in those situations that almost constantly accompany the life of a modern active person.

The second factor is related to the fact that most of the existing technologies are excessively cumbersome and difficult to learn and use, which does not allow them to be successfully used by people of many social and age groups, whose life, nevertheless, is accompanied by regular stress (schoolchildren, students, military personnel, etc.). .d.).

The third factor that determines the relevance of this work is that the use of all stress management techniques occurs, as a rule, ALREADY in a state of stress.

Practice has shown that in most cases effective management For a stressful person, it is enough to understand several basic theoretical provisions, which we called the “ABC of stress”:

A) Stress is a universal adaptive reaction of a person to a dangerous or uncertain, but at the same time significant situation for him, in the absence of an adequate stereotype of behavior or when it is impossible to apply it.

B) Most often, stress occurs in a difficult or new situation for a person, in the case of a pronounced risk, time trouble, a possible or real conflict.

C) Stress is a protective mechanism for controlling human behavior in order to maintain its survival. Objectively, stress manifests itself in the mobilization of the nervous, immune and cardiovascular and muscular systems. Subjectively, stress is experienced primarily as a state of tension.

D) Being an effective mechanism for managing a person in simple, "animal" situations, stress makes it difficult to carry out complex, purposeful, "human" activities, first of all, worsening the accuracy, speed and creativity of thinking.

E) The benefits of stress for a person: additional energy is released to solve the problem; the body "tells" what to do - run away, attack or hide; trains the nervous, immune and cardiovascular systems.

E) Cons of stress for a person: there can be too much energy; the body "prompts" mostly primitive reactions, often contrary to conscious choice; under severe stress, the immune system is depleted, the nervous and cardiovascular systems are overstrained.

G) Stress "forces" a person to act not for development, but for survival. Therefore, until a person has developed his consciousness to a level close in strength to the level of his unconscious, stress management technologies are a necessary condition for his effective activity, especially in areas new to him.

In addition to these theoretical provisions, we have noticed that a better understanding of what stress is and how it affects a person is very good. stories, parables and metaphors help. Let's take one of them as an example.

FIRE AND STRESS (MINI PARABLE)

Fire helped people become what they are now. Fire helper and protector of people! Fire will warm and cheer you up, with the help of fire you can cook food or drive away wild predators. But this is possible only if a person knows how to control fire. If not, then he can easily burn alive in the fire, at best, you can stay orphaned and naked in the ashes.

Stress is like fire. Only scarier.

in order not to drown in the world's oceans, elephants stood on a giant tortoise. What is this turtle on which three elephants of stress management stand?

In our opinion, this turtle is the development of such a quality as stress resistance.

O main stressors

1. Significance of the situation. The criterion is the price of failure. What value will I lose if I refuse to perform this activity or stay in this situation?

2. Novelty and uncertainty. The criterion is the lack of knowledge, skills and information necessary for the successful implementation of this activity or for a safe stay in this situation.

3. Load. The criterion is the amount of expenses and the level of discomfort experienced by me in the implementation of this activity or while being in this situation. What is valuable for myself I lose (time, effort, money)? What is the price to pay to win?

4. Risk. The criterion is the cost of an error. What value will I lose if I do the wrong thing?

5. Time pressure. The criterion is the lack of a margin of time sufficient for calmly considering options for behavior, or for switching to a more resourceful state, or for repeating work in case of an error.

STRESSORITY \u003d Significance x (Novelty and uncertainty + Risk + Load + Time pressure)

BASIC RECOVERY TOOLS

1) Psychological means: autogenic training, muscle relaxation, music and light music, psychoregulation, hypnosis.

2) Psychohygienic means: interesting leisure, positive films, communication with nature, comfortable living conditions, good communication.

3) Organizational means: balanced activity, correct daily routine, activity planning.

4) Medico-biological agents: massage, water procedures, baths, rational nutrition, proper rest and sleep.

5) Pharmacological agents: preparations of ginseng, golden root, vitamins and minerals, bioactive additives, aromatic oils. A special place is occupied by good green tea. A properly organized tea procedure has not only pharmacological, but also a pronounced psychological effect.

KEY MEANS AND METHODS FOR INCREASING STRESS RESISTANCE

1. Physical activity. Performing exercises "to failure" - through pain.

2. Temperature effects. Both cold and hot. A convenient way is baths. In hot water, increase the load by increasing the temperature, the residence time is 5-10 minutes. In cold water, an increase in load due to an increase in the duration of the procedure, the temperature is minimal.

3. Holding the breath. On inhalation or on exhalation "to the stop." Sitting on the floor Keeping still and relaxed. Concentrating on feelings.

4. Fasting. 1-2 times a week without stopping daily activities.

5. Pain effects. Massage with a broom in the bath. Pressure foot massage. Iplicator Kuznetsov. "Iron Shirt" - shock hardening of the body and other exercises from the arsenal of martial arts. By the way, martial arts are an excellent method of developing general stress resistance, as well as a method of correcting your basic mental state and recovering from stress.

Dynamics of professional stress. There are 3 stages in the development of professional stress in a person: an increase in tension (1), stress itself (2), and a decrease in internal tension (3).

At the first stage psychological contact disappears in business and interpersonal communication, alienation appears in relationships. Stress is still constructive and increases the success of professional activity.

Second stage- loss of effective and conscious self-control (complete or partial). A person is vaguely and incompletely aware of his actions; having exhausted his energy resources, a person feels devastation and fatigue.

Third stage. "A man returns to himself", experiencing a sense of guilt, and swears that this nightmare will never happen again.

Each person has their own individual scenario of stressful behavior, expressed in the frequency and form of manifestation of stress reactions. The focus of a person's stress aggression can be on himself or on others - colleagues, subordinates. The stress scenario starts almost automatically.

Rules of self-regulation in conditions of professional stress

1 rule: it is useful to observe yourself: what do you feel at the first stage of stress? What tangible changes are taking place in your state and mood? How long does stage 1 of your stress last? How does this happen?

2 rule: you need to look for ways to stop yourself. It is important to take a break and stop the action with an effort of will. Pause, leave the room, move to another part of the room.

3 rule: you need to strive to transfer your energy to another form of activity, do something else: water the flowers, make tea, go out into the corridor, talk to a nice employee, go to the window, look at passers-by, wet your hands with cold water.

4 rule: seriously think about what moments in work help relieve stress. What pleases you the most? What do you do with passion?

Formulation of refusal in business communication. A person is afraid to refuse when he wants to be always kind to everyone, to be respected, whose self-esteem depends on the assessment and attitude of other people, is not internally free from business partners.

The communicative formula of refusal contains 3 main parts: a phrase containing positive content; a phrase containing negative content (reasons for refusal); a phrase containing positive content (positive prediction that help will be provided sometime in the future).

Manipulation in business communication. Usually, manipulation is spoken of with a negative connotation, assuming something derogatory, offensive, lowering the status of a person and destroying his human dignity.

Manipulator goals are simple: self-interest (money, connections), the desire to use the strength and life time of another person; self-affirmation (I am strong, and you are weak).

The criteria for manipulation are situations where: 1) one person intimidates another person and seeks to cause him to experience fear; 2) the manipulator makes the other person experience guilt and remorse at a time when he is not to blame for anything; 3) one person is trying to make the interlocutor feel depressed, insecure and low self-esteem; 4) the first causes in the other a sense of imposed duty.

An open and kind person often acts as a victim, who for a long time cannot believe that he is being used. With increasing age, a kind person becomes even more beautiful, his face glows, his eyes radiate.

In the life of a manipulator, the opposite pattern works: he lives hard, often experiencing "black" states. And his face acquires a heavy, unpleasant expression over the years, even though his features were beautiful in his youth.

The manipulator is internally cold, there is no warmth of human life in him, no vivid feelings and experiences. He either buys another (I will give you money and power), or he buys himself - I want money and power.

Manipulation protection- Strengthening the life position and mastering the technique of communication. The life position should be active and contain not only the desire to help people, but also to fulfill their own desires, achieve their goals, strive to realize their interests.

Desire to succeed in life- a prerequisite for a normal, full-fledged human existence. It is important to ask yourself more often: “what do I get as a result of communicating with this person. What does he do for me? Do I enjoy it? Does communication bring me joy and satisfaction?

You must remember your human rights.

Techniques for communicating with a manipulator are to boldly and directly talk about: what he does; what the person who is being manipulated feels; what actually happens in the process of interaction between the manipulator and the victim (see Table 5.1.).

Lecture number 6.

1. Stress and its nature. Distress

2. Causes and sources of stress

3. Prevention of stress in business communication

4. Individual strategy and tactics of stress-resistant behavior

Stress and its nature. Distress

An outstanding psychophysiologist and philosopher, the founder of the theory of stress, G. Selye, discussing the essence of stress, notes: "Stress is a non-specific response of the body to any requirement presented to it." At the same time, a "non-specific" response is a response that requires restructuring and adaptation to the emerging difficulty. "Non-specific requirements imposed by the impact as such - this is the essence of stress," writes H. Selye.

To better understand what "stress" is, it is important to understand what is not stress (see Selye 1992, pp. 17-20). Stress is not just nervous tension (stress reactions are also inherent in lower animals, and in humans this is associated with "emotional stimuli"). Stress is not always the result of injury: "Stress-related activities can be pleasant or unpleasant. Distress is always unpleasant." Stress should not be avoided: "...there is always a need to maintain life, resist attack and adapt ...". "In everyday speech, when they say that a person is "stressed", they usually mean excessive stress, or distress ... "

G. Selye specifically emphasizes that absolute freedom from stress means death: "Contrary to popular belief, we should not - and cannot - avoid stress. But we can use it and enjoy it if we better know its mechanisms and develop an appropriate philosophy of life.

The physiological foundations and the general logic of triggering the stress mechanism are expressed as follows. A stressor (an irritant that causes a clash of interests, a problem for the body) excites the hypothalamus (the pathways for transmitting this excitation have not been fully elucidated). A substance is produced that signals the pituitary gland to secrete adrenocorticotropic hormone (ACTH) into the blood. Under the influence of ACTH, the outer cortical part of the adrenal glands releases corticoids. This leads to wrinkling of the thymus gland and many other "accompanying changes".

At the same time, the corticoids themselves "either promote inflammation or extinguish it" through the corresponding nerve impulses that release adrenaline or acetylcholine. "At some point there is a clash of interests - a stressor; then there are balanced impulses - orders to resist or endure."

Of particular interest are G. Selye's arguments about stress and self-realization in the profession, which occupy a very significant place in his book "Stress and Distress". According to G. Selye, the action must be completed, otherwise - distress: "The main source of distress is dissatisfaction with life, disrespect for one's studies ..."; a person must certainly use up the reserve of adaptive energy in order to "satisfy the innate need for self-expression, to accomplish what he considers his destiny, to fulfill the mission for which, as it seems to him, he was born."

To consider and justify the need for a full life, G. Selye proposes the principle of "altruistic egoism". The founder of the theory of stress, as a physiologist G. Selye, argues here that altruistic egoism arose for purely selfish reasons: “Single-celled organisms began to unite into stronger and more complex multicellular organisms. Some cells refused independence and specialized, taking on the functions of nutrition, protection , movement in space ... In the same way, people have formed "groups of mutual cooperation and insurance" - families, tribes and nations in which altruistic selfishness is the key to success ... This is the only way to preserve the division of labor, the importance of which in modern society is growing ". G. Selye talks about the horror of boredom and meaninglessness and how to overcome it: "Nothing is so exhausting as inactivity, the absence of irritants and obstacles to be overcome." Even B. Shaw noted that "work by duty is work, and work by inclination is leisure."

Causes and sources of stress

The very problem of stress acutely declared itself in the 20th century. This was due to the fact that in the modern world (and in modern production) situations often arise when a person, meeting with some kind of difficulty, cannot fully realize the accumulated energy (caused by the physiological mechanism of stress), and then this energy begins to destroy the person himself . As a result, instead of quite normal stress reactions, a person begins to be torn apart by the mechanisms of distress, when the energy cannot be realized in some constructive actions. For example, distress manifests itself when an employee cannot respond to the unfair claims of a fool-boss (many people justify themselves by saying that it is easier to keep a grudge in themselves than to be indignant and create even more problems for themselves with this fool-boss). In another typical example, a person cannot fully realize his desire for creativity or the desire for full communication with colleagues in conditions of career competition, etc.

In all these and similar cases, in fact, we are talking about the infringement of human dignity in the conditions of modern production. But a special problem is the case when a person is infringed on the most important thing - in a fair pay for his work. Society, therefore, denies the right of a person to feel not only a full-fledged specialist who benefits this production, but also to feel like a full-fledged citizen and personality. All this, in the end, creates the basis for stress, and for frustration, and for the deepest internal crisis of the employee. Of course, in part, such an employee can reassure himself that "it is not money that is important, but the labor process itself" or "the feeling that your work is useful to people, even regardless of how much people thank the employee." But in the depths of his soul, an employee who has been hurt in his salary still retains a grudge (if he still has at least some dignity left). And this resentment, which should be directed at those on whom wages depend, is directed at the worker himself (according to the mechanism of the formation of distress that destroys the person himself). Maybe that's how it should be? Maybe this is the main punishment for a worker for disrespect for himself and his work? ..

Correlating the problems of stress with the working conditions in the organization, N.V. Samoukina writes: "Professional stress is a stressful state of an employee that occurs under the influence of emotionally negative and extreme factors associated with the professional activity performed." In fact, it is rather a matter of professional distress. To this one could add that professional stress (distress) is also a reaction to some kind of difficulty, expressed in non-specific actions.

N.V. Samoukina identifies the main types of professional stress (distress).

Information stress arises in conditions of a hard time limit and is exacerbated in conditions of high task responsibility. Informational stress is often accompanied by the uncertainty of the situation (or inaccurate information about the situation) and a rapid change in information parameters.

Emotional stress occurs when there is a real or perceived danger (feelings of guilt for unfulfilled work, relationships with colleagues, etc.). Often the deep attitudes and values ​​of the employee associated with his profession are destroyed.

Communication stress is associated with real business communication problems. It manifests itself in increased conflict, in the inability to control oneself, in the inability to tactfully refuse something, in ignorance of the means of protection against manipulative influence, etc.

Stressful scenarios and various variants of manifestation of stress in labor are also highlighted. In this case, much depends on the individual characteristics of the employee. Variants of stress scenarios identified for various reasons:

depending on the frequency and strength of manifestation: someone "stresses" every day, but in small doses; others - several times a year, but extremely strongly;

depending on the direction of stress aggression: on oneself (the employee blames himself); on colleagues and bosses (the employee blames other employees);

depending on the mechanisms of triggering stress reactions: basically, the stress scenario is triggered almost automatically (on an outwardly insignificant occasion); but a long "maturing" of stress is also possible, followed by its rather rapid "untwisting".

Prevention of stress in business communication

N.V. Samoukina offers quite interesting techniques of self-regulation under conditions of communicative stress.

Basic rules of behavior under stress:

observe oneself;

look for ways to "stop" oneself (such as "take a break", "pause in communication");

transfer your energy to another form of activity (distract);

think about what helps relieve stress (What makes you more happy? What do you do with passion? ...).

The main manifestations of communicative professional stress:

irritability in business communication - reasons: the habit of communicating in a raised voice; the uncertainty of the person himself (as you know, often "the dog barks loudly from fear" - N.P.); anxiety, dissatisfaction with one's work, etc.

communicative aggression (the main reason is the desire to humiliate or suppress an opponent in a competitive struggle), which manifests itself in various forms: verbal (verbal); direct (open call); indirect (nitpicking, hints, refusal to help, lies, pettiness, threats); situational (spontaneous outbursts of rage); directed at another (accusation of another) or at oneself (self-accusation).

The main problem is that a person is not always aware of his own aggressiveness (for him, all this is a "normal phenomenon", although he himself suffers).

The principle of justice in communication is expressed in the following rule: "How much effort, time and support a person gives in communicating with someone, he receives the same amount of strength, time and support from another person" (see Samoukina, 1999, p. 195). (True, it would be more accurate to say that a person has the right to count on all this.) N.V. Samoukina notes that it is also important to choose the "psychological currency" of one's contribution to communication (Ibid., p. 196).

The problem of "stopping a chatty interlocutor." N.V. Samoukina proposes the following basic rules for this:

internally decide to take care of yourself, decide to respect yourself (this is like the basis of your determination to stop the talker);

do not take the blame (you have the right to participate in communication on an equal footing, and not just as an "attentive listener" or "psychotherapist" - N.P.);

do not blame your partner (if the partner began to speak too long, you yourself gave him the "communicative space"; in addition, talkativeness is one of the indicators of the partner's openness towards you);

the formula for stopping a chatty partner is to say to yourself: "Everything that he says is certainly interesting and important, but right now (at the moment) you need to do other things (or discuss other issues).

An important role in professional communication plays the ability to formulate a refusal in a business relationship. A polite refusal formula is proposed, which includes three main stages of utterance:

a phrase that has a positive content (a positive assessment of the interlocutor, attitude or situation);

phrase containing negative attitude(the wording of the refusal and its objective reasons);

a phrase containing again positive content (a positive forecast of meeting the partner's request in the future in order to maintain good relations with him).

Particularly acute and unresolved is the problem of manipulation in business communication. The main characteristics of the manipulator and his victim are highlighted. The main goals of the manipulator are self-interest and self-affirmation. The main prey of the manipulator is good, kind and humane people (the manipulator seems to "envy" them, and also takes advantage of their kindness and openness). The manipulator himself is not capable of openness and sincerity (and often even suffers from this). "He either "buys" another ("I'll give you money and power"), or he" buys " himself ("I want money and power"). His dependence on these "Give" and "Take" is huge, he himself is their toy."

The main options for protection against manipulation are offered:

strengthening your life position;

strengthening self-confidence (everyone can make mistakes, change their values, has the right to "refusal" ... and you should not blame yourself because of this);

possession of communication techniques (to understand what is really happening in communication, to understand oneself, etc.).

Stress often arises due to a mismatch in the pace of communication. At the same time, it is important either to adjust to the pace of communication of the interlocutor, or to explain to him the inadmissibility of his pace in communicating with you, or to switch to a compromise version of communication.

Of particular interest is occupational achievement stress. The main problem here is the discrepancy between the level of expectations and the real possibilities (resources) of a person.

Also interesting is the stress caused by the fear of making a mistake. Fear of error often "blocks" a person's creative abilities. A person gradually begins to abandon everything new and risky. As a result, gradually a person begins to “be afraid to live” in general ...

Quite common is the professional stress of competition. Often a person sees his "competitors" in others (colleagues). "A person who gives himself to the competitive race" begins to live "not his own life": he chooses work not according to his inclination, but in accordance with prestige, he is surrounded only by "necessary" people, and there is not enough time or energy for friends with him is often a top model whose appearance meets European standards, and not a beloved woman ... ", - writes N.V. Samoukina. The problem of such people is that they have "only one goal" - a career, success in competition ( they rob themselves, because life and human relations are much richer). good advice: it is desirable to "choose friends and loved ones not in a competitive environment" ... The "competition trap" is expressed in the fact that many do not realize what this competition is for, what awaits them there, at the "top" (often this is disappointment, envy and loneliness...).

The professional stress of success stands out separately. “Oddly enough, an employee can also experience intense stress when he achieves a major success ...”, notes N.V. Samoukina. Often, after a major achievement, there comes a state of "meaninglessness" of what has come true...

A special topic is the problem of earning money and the accompanying professional stress. It has been noticed that very often a big win or an unexpected inheritance does not bring joy, but even greater problems (harm). The formula "All evil comes from big money" really works, but ... if they come unexpectedly and, most importantly, undeservedly. The amount of money (a lot or a little) is relative. Let's add to this the fact that everyone has, as it were, his own, "the amount of money and wealth programmed for him by Fate", although this can be argued, because. this is a very common justification for existing injustice.

People who are accustomed to big money are gradually getting used to the fact that "everything is bought and sold", but this is the "wonderful" basis of personal degradation. Problems (for the rich) begin when it turns out that not everything can be bought for money (for example, not every woman is "for sale", and indeed, is it possible to "buy" love, if it really is real love?..). And then a rich person, fearing failures with such "purchases", himself seeks to protect himself from real feelings and genuine human relationships, which further exacerbates his personal degradation. In the modern Russian Federation, the possession of big money is also complicated by the fact that the parents of the current rich man lived more modestly and naturally (and often his own childhood passed against the backdrop of more humane relationships). Therefore, a rich man is often doomed to loneliness and constant fear for his capital (not only before the "mafia", but also before his envious relatives ...).

In modern foreign approaches to the study of stress in labor, attempts are being made to comprehend this phenomenon in a new way. S. Castle notes that at present, attention to the topic of stress in work is somewhat inferior to such problems as the quality of working life, unemployment, risk factors, etc.

In particular, S. Castle highlights the main directions of the conceptualization of stress in labor activity:

Creation of lists of stressful environmental conditions.

Updating the concept of "stress" with the help of other concepts: stress as a strenuous effort necessary to maintain basic functions at the required level; stress as "informing" about the threat of loss or damage; stress as a frustration or threat that cannot be eliminated; stress as the unpredictability of the future.

Definition of "stress" in terms of some "basic" behavioral characteristics, for example: lack of an adequate response, which entails undesirable (negative) consequences; new, too intense, rapidly changing or unpredictable situations; motives that determine behavior in specific situations, such as the achievement motive, etc. (what leads to overstrain).

Attempts to give even greater clarity to the concept of "stress" in order to make it suitable for predictive evaluation of hypotheses and theory building.

In general, there are two main lines of interpretation of the concept of "stress at work":

In a narrower interpretation, stress is the overestimated demands of the environment on the subject's available capabilities, i.e. overload, over-stimulation, etc.

In a broader interpretation, stress is an inadequacy in the integral system of relationships "man - environment", which includes not only the above interpretation, but also the relationship between human needs and the possibility of satisfying them at work (in other words, a person's failure to use his capabilities, reducing the load, low stimulation). By the way, this is to a large extent connected with the problem of fairness in labor (the contribution must correspond to remuneration), and this problem is directly related to the problem of the employee's self-esteem.

Analyzing the reasons for low job satisfaction, S. Castle identifies the following main groups:

1) Related to working conditions: risk to health and safety; the intensity of the given pace and physical activity; long duration of labor (especially if it is imposed by someone); evening and night shifts; job uncertainty; lack of control during work.

2) Related to the content of work: insufficient use of skills and abilities; small fragmentation of a repetitive task (the same primitive operations).

3) Associated with relationships in the group; inability to actually interact with colleagues; large groups with insufficient (real) interaction; rejection by colleagues.

4) Related to leadership: isolation from the decision-making process; inability to establish feedback with the head; lack of evaluation of good performance; lack of attention and understanding from management.

5) Related to the characteristics of the organization: large organizations with a level subdivision (especially with a relatively small number of levels in the organization, when the hierarchical difference is especially obvious); a full-time position (compared to career transfer, growth within one position); discrimination in employment.

6) Associated with wages and career growth: low material remuneration; feeling of unfairness in the salary; lack of prospects for promotion.

The characteristic of "desirable" working conditions is also highlighted:

The work must correspond to the "intellectual demand" of the employee, which leads to his personal interest;

work should not be too tiring;

remuneration for work must be fair, informative and consistent with the aspirations (settings) of the employee;

working conditions must be compatible with physical needs and contribute to the achievement of labor goals;

work should contribute to the growth of self-esteem of the employee;

factors in the workplace should help achieve the value of work.

The question of the correlation of job satisfaction and mental health indicators is specially considered:

Behavioral indicators (consumption of alcohol, drugs, smoking, etc.) are not significantly associated with job satisfaction.

Estrangement in work does not spread much to other spheres of life.

Measures based on somatic complaints and symptoms correlate poorly with job satisfaction.

Estimates of affective manifestations (anxiety-tension, depression, irritability ...) give a high correlation with job satisfaction (more precisely, with dissatisfaction).

Indicators of "personal happiness" and overall life satisfaction strongly correlate with job satisfaction, but this is especially noticeable in the late 40s of a person's life.

Individual strategy and tactics of stress-resistant behavior.

Negative emotions, especially such as anger, aggression and irritation, take a lot of mental strength, and therefore it is desirable to fall into such a state as rarely as possible, which seriously impedes entrepreneurial activity and, of course, does not make it possible to create a positive business image. In this regard, it makes sense to consider the techniques and methods of their suspension.

1. Always separate the person from the problem. Focus on her. After all, she is more important. This will switch you from an emotional level to a rational one. Then it is easier and easier to resolve the contradiction. In addition, such a switch frees from affect, a violent emotional reaction, in which consciousness is turned off and the behavior process is not controlled.

2. Imagine another person in your place. How would he behave in this situation? Play the role of this person. This will help you forget about yourself and cool down your anger.

3. One can also imagine such a picture. There is a glass wall between you and your partner. You see his annoyed gestures, but you don't hear what he says. There will be no need to respond with a “growl” either. Choose some detail in his closet (a badly sewn button, a tie that has slipped to one side, etc.), look at it carefully, say thoughtfully: “You will lose a button, but there are no such ones on sale.” Hear the answer: “What the hell is a button!” Show: "This one."

4. You boil with anger, you are ready to say offensive words to your partner, but overpower yourself: calmly, you are confident in yourself, you control yourself. Smile or fake a smile with your muscles. Imagine how funny your smile is. The following THREE METHODS OF SELF-SOOTHING are also very helpful.

1. RATIONALIZATION OF ANGER. This method requires, first of all, to comprehend the cause that gave rise to anger, and give it a different meaning. You were ruled by emotions, and the mind was asleep. Wake him up. Take the lessons. Look for something positive in what happened. It is always there. Find, and the situation will look a little different. In anger, as a rule, a person achieves almost nothing. And you, too, have not achieved anything by giving vent to your emotions. Ask yourself: "Is it very important for me what I did not achieve?" After such questions, you should feel funny if you have a sense of humor. Analyze whether your partner had the same motives and intentions that you think about? And did he really want to humiliate you with his words or actions?

Check yourself again and mentally ask if you have done everything so that your partner does not behave rudely and offensively. Apparently, he was dissatisfied with your actions, to be honest. Say to yourself: "Yes, this type must have tremendous endurance and great respect for me in order not to break loose."

2. VISUALIZATION OF ANGER. His technique is aimed at experiencing an event that will cool the anger. For example, let's say someone hurt you. You are angry with him. But if you could see this person in any humiliating situation, you would have a feeling of satisfaction ("That's right for you"), perhaps even pity for him. And your anger would most likely disappear.

The visualization technique teaches that the entire conflict situation is played out in the imagination, as if on an internal screen, and thereby quenches anger. To visualize, you need to relax, focus on inner feelings and bring your breathing back to normal. The following options for visualizing anger can be recommended:

1) reduce the height of the person who caused your anger. Let him be a dwarf, a gnome, or a bug;

2) try to see this person in a funny way;

3) imagine anger as a beam of energy that goes through you into the ground;

3. RELAXATION (the strength of the connection between the nervous and muscular systems). Her technique is based on the relaxation of the muscular system, followed by the relaxation of the nervous system. Using this technique, you must act in the following sequence.

1) First, try to soften your anger and calm your aggressiveness. Let them come out of you and don't hold them back. Take this time to do some physical work.

2) Then relax as much as possible, do a little auto-training and muscularly draw a smile on your face. Let it first be like a grimace. Look at yourself in the mirror. Your appearance will really make you smile, but not artificial, but real, but, however, very ironic.

3) To calm down faster, do not quickly walk around the room. Better stop and focus on your inner feelings. Watch your breath. Try to keep it as deep as possible.

4) Do not rush to answer your, apparently, also excited partner. Hold the pause for as long as possible. Such a pause will allow you to calm down faster, better focus and find a decent answer. At the same time, do not seek revenge on your partner or hurt his pride with any word. Remember the need to "save face" both for yourself and for him.

As you know, negative emotions affect our hearing more. Therefore, in tense situations, attention should be fixed not on negative auditory sensations, but on visually perceived objects.

An annoying opponent keeps saying something that evokes negative emotion. To isolate yourself from the effect of his speech, try to see his face - as clearly as possible, in all details, as if you were going to then draw his portrait from memory.

You should look silently, very carefully, but not “stare”, namely, consider in order to see. During this deliberate pause, when you are silent, try to see as much detail as possible around your heated opponent.

Whoever your opponent is - boss or subordinate, senior or junior - your sudden, unexpected silence will certainly cause bewilderment in him: his emotional tension will begin to weaken.

Consciously maintained calmness is always a manifestation of the strength of the spirit and therefore gives a huge advantage, having a great power of influence. It is only necessary that your silence and staring are not perceived by your opponent as a manifestation of hostility and an ironic attitude towards him.

4) come up with a scene of an imaginary revenge in relation to your offender and enjoy revenge (only in the imagination, of course).